The Perfect Cure for Stupidity

We've been toying with the tagline for Smart Pills (breath mints!) now forever, without a real consensus. Some of us think "The Perfect Cure for Stupidity" is perfect, but others find it a little un-p.c. and condescending. Which makes it even more perfect, doesn't it?

Price: 4 for $10 with FREE SHIPPING*

*Each 8-dram vial contains approximately 25 doses of oral insolence. Free shipping is U.S. only.

Sass in Pocket

The above photo is an homage to Irving Penn's "Theatre Accident, New York, 1947" and contains the contents of my pockets, today, 22 November 2010 (from bottom, counterclockwise): Smart Pills, Zippo lighter, passport, cigarette case — now used as a wallet, dog tags (fake), Timex watch, Land Cruiser and house keys, Leatherman, sterling-silver Tiffany tape measure.

Listen and learn, kid.

My dad told me this joke when I was 8 years old, and it's stuck with me ever since: 2 kids are walking in the woods when one sees some rabbit pellets on the ground. "What are those?" he asks. "They're smart pills" says the other kid, "eat them and they'll make you smarter." The first kid says, "Really?" He picks a couple of them up and eats them. "They taste like sh--" he says, spitting them out. "See, you're getting smarter already."

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Testimonials

"Altoids are stronger." - Tucker G.

"They're dumb." - Morgan, age 7

Cate: "Dad, do Smart Pills make you smarter?"
Me: "No."
Cate: "They make ME smarter."

DISCLAIMER

If you are reading this "DISCLAIMER," DO NOT PURCHASE SMART PILLS. They are breath mints for the intelligent, and have no obvious medicinal value/use whatsoever. Should always be taken with a grain of salt.

They are not sugar (or irony) free, and may have come into contact with nuts. In fact, we know they have.

A Breath of Fresh Air

We sometimes send out a newsletter that contains the latest goings-on, specials, and giveaways as well as occasional tidbits and comments from the cheap seats.


Now that you've smartened up...

You might like to check out One Up! — it's not only faster and harder than Scrabble, it's also way more exciting than trying to memorize the dictionary. Seriously, do you think you have enough intellectual soup in the kitchen, so-to-speak, to whip out the biggest words and win?