Uppityshirts

LACRAWESOME™

Lax is beast!

What better way to show your love of the great game of lacrosse (and fighting spirit), than to wear it proudly right there on your chest?

Price: $25

Laxadaisical

Chill sisters.

We love this slow-flow follow-up to our best-selling LACRAWESOME (above), in a summery navy on white. So do Jane, Mimi, and Hunter.

How do you measure up? Check out our size chart here.

Price: $25

Old's Cool

Stand up straighter.

This one says it all: Common sense. Nerve. Backbone. Self-reliance. Perseverance. Integrity. 3 o'clock-in-the-morning courage. Seriously, why not flaunt your lack of political correctness with wit and style, and a little grit to boot?

Our 100% cotton, Made-in-the-USA Uppityshirt is not distressed, pre-shrunk, or faked to look like you've worn it forever, because you haven't. We believe you can't buy character. If you want your Old's Cool to look old school, you know what you have to do — wear it out into the world and make something of yourself.

Price: $25

ms.write

Are you a bluestocking?

Must be — you're reading this, aren't you? By popular demand, we've printed up this Uppityshirt in a classic ladies style, featuring a feminine neckline and shorter sleeves. Perfect for the all the girly nerds and female smarty pants on your gift list.

Price: $25

incorrigible

Got recalcitrance?

We actually designed this gem for our kids, but they quickly sold out (the t-shirts, not the kids). Due to overwhelming demand, we've brought it back, but this time for "grown-ups".

You mustache yourself a very simple question, then — does obstreperous fit you to a Tee? Yes, of course it does. But if you're not sure of your size, click right here.

Price: $25

I'M RIGHT.

This is not a political statement.*

It's a fact. In black and white. About everything. All the time.

Price: $25

*Here's our first ever, kind-of political statement, such as it is.

Backwards K

Uppityshirts fit big hitters to a tee.

A strikeout in baseball is scored as a "K". A called third strike i.e. when you go down looking, is written as a Backwards K, the ultimate embarrassment, ignominy. Sporting this Uppityshirt is ironic of course, since you're the major-league type who always swings for the fences.

Try some tongue-in-cheekiness on for size!

Our outstanding, unisex short-sleeve Uppityshirts are 100% combed cotton, pure American excellence that fit major leaguers to a Tee. Order your normal size (fit is flattering, but not too snug), or if you're into numbers and charts and stuff, click right here here.

Price: $25

Bartender, I'll take an entendre —

Words to drink by.

This is the winner of our 2011 Dry (wit) T-Shirt Contest — it's a limited-edition, Oneupmanship exclusive, so what the heck are you waiting for, Christmas?

Uppityshirts fit barflies to a tee. To see how you might measure up, Champ, check out our size chart here.

Price: $25

i,000,000

I am the One-in-a-Million!

Nobody else like you out there. Nobody.

Perfection comes in many shapes and sizes &¦x2014 if you're not sure how big yours is, check out our chart here.

Price: $25

uppity

UP-i-tee (adj.) Rebelliously self-assertive; not inclined to be tractable or deferential.

Sound like anyone you know?

Price: $25

Gravity Always Wins.
No humor here.

Don't go south for the winter!

Price: $25

impeccable

Fits perfectionately.

Are you without any flaws or faults? Of course you are.
Price: $25

The Perfect Party Starter.
We've been playing this game since we lived in Hong Kong in the late '80's when we called it, jokingly, 'Chinese Marriage.' It's seems so simple, but it's really hard as hell to get loose. Yes, it's a blast trying, and who knows, you may end up wanting to stay tied together* forever!

Price: $12

NOTE: Instructions say to cinch loops on wrists — that's knot possible now.

*Of course there's a secret to getting unhook'dup, and you can find it right here.

Ritch.
2 Rich + 2 Thin = NEVER

Life is good. Gorgeous and loaded is way better.

Price: $25

Pretentious? Moi?
We're kidding!

Do you think you have that certain je ne sais quoi?

Price: $25

idjit
Dumb it up!

What's with the leopard-skin fez, bro?

Price: $25

underminer
If you're a kid, it's your job.

We have 1 adult, 1 minor, and 3 underminers in our family.

Price: $25

Share on Facebook | Dear Johnny

Yes, you can buy 2 x brains here.

Calling all literate double-domes: One Up! — The Wicked/Smart Word Game has always been highway robbery at only $15, but now we're offering 2 x One Up! for $25, including FREE SHIPPING* (see below). Are you kidding me? Quick, grab a handful now.

PAY ATTENTION TO THE ASTERISK.

As our way of saying thank you very much for another year in the black, we're offering free shipping* on all orders, from now on, forever... with liberty and justice for all. Order any of your dream Oneupmanship fizzizzle stuff, and get it delivered on a silver platter, metaphorically speaking of course, absolutely gratis!

*Even though One Up! travels well, free shipping is U.S. only. However, our overseas rates are first class!

Brown paper packages tied up with...

... strings. For two bucks extra we'll wrap your recalcitrance up perfectly and send it to the lucky object of your affection, with a personal note — just choose the 'gift wrap' option at checkout and be sure to write something nice.

What would you rather be?

I was playing One Up!® with some friends the other day when one of them took my ORE and put down the word "HOER". We all looked at him, with disdain. "Someone who hoes" he replied. That's the kind of grammatically correct I'm talking about.

Price: $25

The Perfect Cure for Stupidity

The "Smart Pills" we've been giving out as a jokey premium to our best customers have proven so popular we've decided to add them to our permanent product line. Take two and call us in the morning.

Price: 4 for $10

*Each 8-dram vial contains approximately 25 doses of oral insolence.

Are you kidding me?

We came up with this Uppityshirt literally in our sleep one night, and dreams, it seems, really do come true!

Price: $25

Brilliant.

You don't have to cut off your ear to try to prove how tormented and talented you are. Your work will speak for itself, just like ours (kind of) does... Seriously, we're not doing this for the fame or fortune — we're in it for the math!

Ars gratia (Sm)artis.

Price: $25

Can't buy me love?

For a fab wedding I went to in town recently, I designed this Have a Ball Marriage Jar as an impish gift. Someone sly and wise told me when I got married back in '93 that should I put a penny in a jar every time we f@#%ed the first year, and take a penny out every time we did it after that, we'd never empty the jar. Not true!

Price: $10

A penny for your thoughts: some of these testimonials are almost obscenely funny.

Looking for Mr. Write?

If you've already got the perfect man, we've got the perfect gift. What are you waiting for?

Price: $25

Joe Relaxed

"I'm all business, and my business is being chill."

Price: $25

Are you a "caffiend"?

Hey, Joe Lover: We're trying to have a Tee Party over here at Oneupmanship, but some people are so psycho/insane for the other stuff they won't even think about drinking anything else. BTW, there's no "X" in espresso.

Price: $25

Just desserts in a can.

We've just introduced our newest product Comeuppance — Just Desserts in a Can. It's the perfect devilish revenge gift for all the frenemies on your love/hate list...

Price: $10.00

Psst: Don't tell anyone we told you, but here's the secret to getting your "Comeuppance."

OPERATION BRAIN STORM

Operation Brain Storm, the initiative we started to show our gratitude to the men and women serving in the military, features our own semi-facetious Well-(Read) Uppityshirt.

Price: $25

Read more about our Well-(Read) Army and how you can help support the troops.

John White.

You want him on your side. Born and bred in Greenville, he's one of those guys you can always count on &¦x2014 hard like a baseball bat — when you need to get the job done. Honest and true, loves Texas. You know the type?

Price: $25

Are you a well-(read)neck?

We know what you're thinking, but "CRACKA" seemed a bit too street!

Price: $25

Lagniappes for everyone

We throw in a little something extra with just about every order — just so you don't feel like you got gypped or nothing.

Hey, big spender, sign up now!

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